View: Anime

Did you watch cartoons when you were a kid? I think the majority of us did. Nothing catches a kid's eye like bright colors, flashing lights, funny characters, topped off with a catchy theme song. For some of us, cartoons reflect a part of our childhood. If that rings true for your life, you probably saw cartoons of all kinds. Looney Toons. Kim Possible. Animaniacs. Batman. Dragon Ball Z.

The last example is what I want to talk about today. Yes, I'm talking about anime. That special kind of cartoon that could only come from our brothers and sisters from the far east. Japan has done their best to create hundreds of cartoon tv shows in order to capitalize on our bored and easily amused youth. And the anime industry has become very successful in the west as a result. At some point during the 80's and 90's, anime shows quietly swept into our televisions, computers, and minds. At this point, its a multi-million dollar juggernaut of an industry. We watch the tv shows, we buy the dvds, we draw the characters on our computers. It has become so popular, entire conventions are held in anime's honor, all across the united states. Anime is so powerful nowadays. Who would dare stand against it?

Me.

Yes, that's right. I don't like anime...Okay, that's not entirely honest. Out of the several dozen anime television shows I have sampled during the course of my life, I have found only a few golden nuggets of pleasurable entertainment amongst the brown sea of generic eastern incoherence. But I'm getting ahead of myself. Before I talk about what does work for anime, I'm going to explain what does not work.

But before I do that, let me be clear. I'm not an anime expert. I'm not Japanese. I don't have a respectable grasp on Japanese culture. I can barely understand it at times. I also have a hunch that some of anime's failings are not to blame on the shows themselves. The nuances of the show, or the ideas behind them may be lost to me. Furthermore, I'm willing to guess that some of the shows I have watched have lost a touch of quality during the translation from the Japanese language into the English language. Therefore, you should probably take what I have to say with a grain of salt. I could be missing the point. Having said that, let's explore what ruins the anime experience for me.

1) Too much dialogue
I come across this in almost every anime I watch. A mere second of an anime show seems to contain about 5 times the amount of dialogue than its western cartoon cousins make use of. The main characters in shows seem to ramble on, and on. A typical scene in an anime consists of two or more characters in the show. The scene is held completely still, as the show's camera zooms in and out of the character's faces. As they talk, their actors are bouncing paragraph after paragraph of dialogue in between each other, no doubt using up an entire page of script.

And for what? To explain a character's motives. To explain details about the show. To describe an aspect of the show that can't be seen at the moment. It could really be about almost anything. Blah, blah-blah, blah-blah! All I know is, 10 minutes of the show can go by, and the plot can go absolutely nowhere. It's so worthless.

It's just talking. Too much talking. Most of the time, it isn't even funny dialogue, or thought provoking. There's no flow. It's just one statement after the other, or the protagonist/antagonist trying to one-up each other with their words, instead of doing some actual fighting.

All that dialogue brings the anime's flow down to a crawl. Nothing happens. We don't like the characters any better. It causes more damage to the show, instead of providing any sense of entertainment. And it's used for such meaningless purposes! For example, I just watched an episode of a show created in 2007. In it, the female protagonist is surrounded by hit-men in speedboats. In a flying rampage, she leaps from boat to boat, taking out all hands on deck with a grenade launcher and a machine gun. As is always the case with these shows, all of the bullets from the bad guys miss her, and she destroys them all without breaking a sweat. As she successfully returns to her own ship, the main character shouts the obvious “Wow, she just killed all those men with a grenade launcher!” No...really? Thanks captain obvious!

These shows keep talking at us for hours at a time. They're trying so hard to convince us that their characters are awesome! They are truly the best. They are the most skilled, the strongest, or the most filled with virtue. They have a dark and distressing past, but that's okay! They are going to put it aside to show us just how amazing they are. Alright, alright, we get it, guys! But next time, keep it simple. Show, don't tell. Your anime will be much faster paced, and your audience won't get caught up in a mess of words.

2) The story is too convoluted
Many shows do their best to develop a good story, and create a cast of characters to inhabit that story, so they can bring their experience to the audience. But sometimes, anime simply gets too confusing for its own good. The way I see it, an anime like this does its best to create such a compelling, unconventional tale, it will surpass the expectations of the audience, and encourage them to watch every detail in every episode. Nothing creates a more loyal fan that an intelligent story that keeps you guessing, right?

Unfortunately, that mindset often works against the anime. After a certain point, I simply get lost. I will have no idea what's going on, or what the characters are trying to say. Some examples that come to mind include shows like Neon Genesis Evangelion, Ghost in the Shell, and Big O. It's like the characters are speaking a different language, even though I can clearly hear them speaking in English It's too much!

If you're trying to weave an engrossing story, break it down for us, okay? We can't keep up with all of those crazy codes, unconventional takes at morality, and political intrigue. Your philosophy is great, I'm sure. But don't pull down the entire show because you're trying to explain every last detail of it to me! Don't be so heavy-handed. Lay off a little. Try to keep the story grounded. That way, your audience can understand what's going on, and can get interested. Just make sure you don't send us a tidal wave of dialogue to try and explain everything. That makes it worse.

3) The show is not universally appealing
Cat girls. Tiny floating animals. Spunky schoolgirls in miniskirts. A man who sword-fights with his teeth. Exaggerated faces with angry bulging veins, a mouth that looks like a sideways 3, or characters that spontaneously shrink into shapes that resemble a cabbage patch kid. Do you have a clue what I'm talking about? No? Well neither do I!

Japan has a radically different culture. They have restaurants with a toilet-theme (complete with poo-shaped food). Giant robots are erected as park statues. One of their most popular singers is nothing but a holographic computer image, working with a computer program that creates an artificial singing voice. There are some things we may never understand about them.

So when we get a tv show from them, there are going to be thoughts, ideas, and actions that make sense to them, but not us. I get it, it happens. That's ok. Many anime shows have a broad range of appeal, and will not suffer from a Japan-ism here and there. My problem is when the entire show is created specifically with the Japanese demographic in mind, and yet somehow arrives to our shores.

For example, consider the anime called Lucky Star. It's about a group of Japanese high school girls, dealing with normal life issues. That doesn't seem so out of place, until you discover that the show's intended demographic is adult males. A very girly, cutesy, feminine show, made for adult men. The show's main appeal is its cute characters, and typical storyline. Can somebody tell me how this interests anyone who isn't a teenage girl? Yet somehow, it does. If you look at the intro of this show on youtube, it has over 3 million views.

You would think something like that would be impossible. But its not. I don't know how, but I do know this. I am an adult male, with normal adult interests. I like things that are shiny, fast, sexy, cool, intelligent, strong, inspiring, scary, or violent. I have absolutely no interest in seeing fake, cute little girls talking about normal girly things in obnoxiously high voices. And I can't imagine a normal adult male who would disagree with me on this. I can't see the appeal of these type of animes at all, and yet these can often prove to be the most popular animes of all. How can this be? Your guess is as good as mine.

Ok, that's fine. There are some things that interest Japan that just don't make sense here in the states. Alright. But if the show is geared towards such a specific audience, it doesn't belong here. At best, it will be unsuccessful here, and will fail to draw attention. At worst it creates a strange sub-culture of men and women that hug pillows with anime girls drawn on them, and dance anime cheerleader routines in public. If your show isn't fit for all audiences, don't try to market it for everyone. Keep it to yourself.

4) Filler
This isn't as much of an issue for anime shows that are good. But it makes the bad animes even worse. The term “filler” describes when a show has an episode or more that seems to serve no purpose for the story or the characters. Often, this type of episode is created because the anime is based upon a graphic novel called a “manga.” Sometimes, the anime is created at or near the same time of the manga. As the tv show works to translate the manga into something viewable, the manga is written in parallel. At a certain point, the anime has a chance of being finished sooner than the manga has a chance of being written. When that happens, the anime has to continue to make new episodes, while the story has yet to be continued.

Then along comes filler. These episodes are stalling for time, while still giving the audience something to view. Typically, these episodes range from acceptable quality to simply worthless. The main characters may talk for 17 minutes, and only fight during the last 5 minutes of the show. Nothing new will happen in the plot. Nothing new about the characters will be explained. It's a waste of the viewer's time, and a waste of effort from the Japanese animators. Either the anime should tell a complete story, or a new story all of its own, independent from outside sources.

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These are just a few of the problems and cliches that are holding back many anime television programs today. But not all animes suffer from these aggravations. Just like many other forms of entertainment, I have found some good animes surrounded by all of the bad animes. I took a risk with this genre, and once in a while, I got something good from it.

If you're like me, and you can't stand most anime shows, here are a few examples that might change your mind (for mature audiences). Cowboy Bebop is what I'd recommend first. It's by far my favorite anime. Trigun is next. Fooly Cooly (aka FLCL) is a unique, short series. Death Note is a great mystery series, with a dash of the supernatural. Samurai Champloo is stylish and entertaining. Perhaps Hellsing, if you're into vampires that don't sparkle.

My last recommendation is actually a series of movies produced by a single anime studio. These films are all made at Studio Ghibli. Unlike the shows I recommended above, almost every one of these movies are fit for people of all ages. Some of the best films from Studio Ghibli include Howl's Moving Castle, My Neighbor Totoro, and Spirited Away. All of the movies this studio makes are creative, imaginative, beautiful, and surreal. They will transport you to amazing places, and help you forget life's problems (if only for a little while). I haven't seen a movie from Studio Ghibli that I didn't like.

This brings us to the conclusion of this article. I guess what I've been trying to say is be wise with your entertainment choices. Anime is an entertainment giant. It's not going anywhere. You're likely to meet plenty of people who recommend that you watch as much of it as you possibly can. Well, I would warn you to be cautious. I'd say 75% of anime is crap, if not more. Keep an eye out for it. If you look hard enough, you just might find something you like. If you don't, that's okay...

- It is what it is.

View: Tetris

I just spoke to a friend of mine earlier today. He mentioned an interesting fact during our conversation, as is usually the case between us. He told me that Tetris has over 65 different versions of itself. That is more than any other electronic game/gaming franchise currently in existence. Nobody and/or nothing else can say the same. Not Mario, nor Pac-man. Bejeweled can't claim such success, and neither can Snake. Tomagotchi wishes it was this successful, along with Pokemon. Not even the grandfather of gaming, Pong, can say that it has over 65 different releases on almost every single piece of electronic media that has the ability to play games.

So I began to think about what Tetris means to me. Such a well-known video game phenomenon deserves some attention and introspection. I have played several different versions of the game during the the course of my gaming history, and I have a pretty good idea about what Tetris is, and what I think is so great about it. I'll work through this particular view by examining a few choice games of Tetris that made a difference in my life, beginning with the first game of Tetris that I ever came in contact with.

Like almost anything wonderful that I have been introduced to in my life, my introduction to Tetris came from my mother. She was an avid player of the original Nintendo Entertainment System as I was growing up. When I was still in diapers, she would spend her time playing Tetris on the NES when I was sleeping for the night. It was almost an addiction for her, you might say. Occasionally, she played it during the day. And when she did, it caught my attention, naturally.

I can't remember exactly when I started playing it, or how, but this was definitely the first version I saw. Going back to it now, it pretty basic. You get the basic game, a time attack version, and that's pretty much it. There was no 2-player mode, and only 3 different sets of music to play the game to. At the time, that was all that was needed. Nowadays, that might not work. I give this version credit, for introducing me the sensation that Tetris already was, and was to become.

The next time Tetris would re-enter my life would be in the game Tetris & Dr. Mario, on the Super Nintendo. As I understand it, this game has become quite rare nowadays, and is somewhat difficult to get a hold of. I can imagine why. This is a pretty special game. It comes with an upgraded version of the NES's Tetris, a graphically re-done version of Dr. Mario from the NES, and a brand new mode that pitted the player against both game modes in a row. That kind of stuff just isn't done in video games anymore, you know? I would explain why Dr. Mario is a great compliment to Tetris, but maybe I'll save that for another entry. All I can say about this particular game was that it was fun, the competition between players was better realized, and it was a nice double-pack of a game.

It's a good thing I had that game, because I wouldn't see a new version of Tetris in my life for quite some time. Fast forward to my pre-teen years. I grew up on the Nintendo side of things, so to speak. So I missed out on things like the Sega Saturn, and most of the original Playstation. As the Nintendo 64 did not get much of my attention for Tetris...it seemed I was out of luck for a while. As fate would have it (if you believe in that sort of thing), I would eventually get a Playstation near the end of the Playstation life-cycle. Because of that, I didn't play many games on the Playstation. Yet there was one I remember.

Tetris Plus for the Playstation did quite a few different things for me, and for Tetris. It came with classic mode, and vs. mode, as usual. However, this version had 2 differences. The first was puzzle mode. It involved protecting a professor trapped among the Tetris blocks, and getting him to the exit at the bottom of the screen. What really got me hooked on this particular version, though, was edit mode. Edit mode was a special feature that allowed the player to create their own Tetris levels, and try to solve them on their own. I made plenty of puzzles for others to try out. Of course, the only “play-tester” I had at the time was my mom, but I don't think she minded.

I wouldn't touch another Tetris for a couple of years. After a while, Tetris Worlds came along, which I played on the Nintendo Gamecube. I would say that this is probably the weirdest version of Tetris I've played, and certainly the most unique. Tetris Worlds brought along a throwaway, alien storyline, and 6 different variations of Tetris. Every time the player starts a game, a female voice would whisper “Go for a Tetris.” Some called it sexy, I just thought it sounded creepy. It wasn't something I wanted to hear alone, at night.

Even though there were 6 different variations of Tetris, only 2 of them made an impact upon me. The first was classic Tetris. The second was called Fusion Tetris. In this particular version, there was one small glowing square, called an atom block. Other small blocks would fall from the top, along with normal Tetris blocks. The goal was to connect the small blocks with the atom blocks, in order to create a fusion. What I loved most about this variation, was how those small blocks could literally fit into any possible hole. This is the only game to unseat the almighty “stick block” as the single best, most useful Tetris block. I enjoyed Tetris Worlds a bit, but it became just a footnote in my Tetris experience, once my next Tetris experience came to pass.

Tetris DS is the next Tetris game I played. This one was special. It currently holds the spot as my personal favorite game of Tetris ever created. Why, you might ask? Because it combines everything I could ever want from a Tetris game all into one. Then, it brings innovative new variations of Tetris that work better than the ones attempted in Tetris Worlds. On top of that, it adds a dosage of old-school Nintendo goodness, making the aesthetic pleasing and the soundtrack catchy/familiar. Let's not forget portability. One of the most important success factors for Tetris is portability. (If you disagree with me, ask gameboy/cellphone owners.) Add to that an easy to access, exciting multiplayer mode, and you have the perfect Tetris game, as well as the perfect puzzle game.

This particular game had many things going for it. I liked some of it, and didn't like the other parts. My less favorite parts included the more gimmick-y modes of play, such as Touch Tetris. Since this was a DS game, it had to have touch controls thrown in (naturally). Touch Tetris wasn't terrible, but controlling each piece individually with the touch screen proved to be inaccurate. Besides that, it added gravity to the blocks, which muddled everything together. Puzzle mode wasn't too hot, either.

Meanwhile, my favorite mode, besides classic, of course, was Catch Mode. Catch Mode was placed in an 8-bit Metroid setting. The goal was to rotate a 4x4 square of Tetris around, to catch falling Tetris blocks. If the player missed any Tetris blocks, they would fall to the bottom of the screen, and the player would lose health from the life bar. By catching Tetris blocks, the 4x4 block grew to become a 16x16 block. Once that happened the big block was set to explode. By catching falling Metroids and other blocks in the explosion, points would be added to the score, and health would be added to the life bar. I found this mode most innovating and entertaining out of any other mode of Tetris I've played (besides classic, of course).

Vs mode wasn't unique to this particular Tetris game. Other games had attempted it before, that's true. What made this particular vs. mode better, was the level of interaction between players. This vs. mode had items that players could use to help themselves, and hinder others. A star could enable the player to have constant “stick blocks” falling on their screen, or a banana could scramble the playing field of the opposite player. I think this type of back-and-forth mechanic in multiplayer helped foster the most fun and competition. Add to the fact that all that was needed for vs. mode was one game, and another DS, and players now had access to an easy and fun game of competitive Tetris. Simply ingenious.

I believe it ends here. The latest version of Tetris I played afterwords was a game called Tetris Splash, on the Xbox Arcade. This was nothing but a regular game of Tetris set in an aquarium backdrop, so it didn't make any kind of impression on me. In total, Tetris is a very classic series to me. It seems to be one of the only games capable of staying fun and addicting for years upon years of play. Indeed, Tetris is so special, it has the ability to cause “The Tetris Effect” in people, causing them to see Tetris blocks when they close their eyes, and go to sleep. That may sound scary to some, but it doesn't surprise me in the slightest. When you play that much Tetris, like I have, it gets to you, after a while. Not to worry. The fun to be had is totally worth it. And besides, when I play Tetris in my mind, I always win. That makes me smile. I'm sure we'll all be experiencing that fun Tetris effect for years and years to come.

View: Theme Parks

My view on: Amusement Parks

Sunburns suck. I am now suffering from a medium case of sunburn. You see, I just went to Mt. Olympus. Well, not the real Mt. Olympus. It's not like I was kicking it old-school with the mighty pantheon of ancient Greece, even though that would be pretty neat...No, I went to the Mt. Olympus Water/Theme Park in the Wisconsin Dells. Good times, let me tell ya! Except for the aforementioned sunburn, of course. Red, irritated skin doesn't make for a good time, trust me. But that's what happens when you spend over 4 hours in the hot sun without a shirt. Curse you water rides!

Reflecting on this experience, and others like it, I started thinking about amusement parks. They're an integral part of our vacations, or other fun times. What is it about them that we like? What don't we like about them? What works? What doesn't work? How do they run things, and how could they do it better? All of these questions, and more, tonight at 10 pm! Wait, I changed my mind, I'll answer them now.

The first thing I wanna talk about is roller-coasters. I want to talk about how much I love them. Boy, are they great! Nothing makes you feel more alive and filled with adrenaline, yet keeps you relatively safe. You can keep your sky-diving and shark cages, I'm going with roller-coasters. But not all coasters are created equally. Some coasters ruin the fun that they are supposed to give people. In case you haven't figured it out, I'm talking about wooden roller-coasters.

Wooden roller-coasters are an artifact from long ago. They go back to those magical, black and white times of yesteryear. A fine gentleman would mosey down to Coney Island, with his sweetie in tow, and buy two tickets for a nickel a piece. Him and his lovely dearest would then enjoy a swell ride down the fantastical speeder deluxe. Then they'd get off the ride, 10 seconds later, and enjoy a bag of popcorn together.

Let's come back to the present, shall we? Wooden coasters are rough. They're bumpy, shaky, and they do their best to misalign your spinal column into a twisted mess. You're practically guaranteed to leave the coaster in worse physical shape before you got on. Yes, nothing says “exciting” better than a splitting-headache, with a side of nausea! Also, they're not quite as safe. All the wooden coaster will offer you is a seat belt, and maybe a bar that will rest on top of your lap. Hardly what I'd call “reassuring.”

Not only are they painful; wooden coasters are just plain boring, in this day and age. Wood has it's limitations in just how high you can build it. You won't be going very high, that's for sure. Don't even think about loop-de-loops or barrel-rolls. Those type of things make grandpa coaster feel confused and scared. You'd best stick to the ground, sonny boy! So, please, can we put wooden roller-coasters to rest? It's high time we did so.

Then we can get back to having fun, on steel roller-coasters. These babies are the real deal! They don't mess around! Steel coasters will give a shock to your system in no time flat. With them, you're going to shoot out of the lobby at an instant 60 mph, fly around the bend, climb up an agonizing 600 ft into the air...waiting...and waiting...watching everything below you grow smaller, and smaller. You're still waiting, trying to look past the people in front of you. You can't really see much, but you can kind of spot the top of the hill. It's really far ahead, looming like a mountain.

Finally, you approach the very top of the ride. Your heart sinks, as the momentum begins to dip forward. Then you catch a glimpse of the drop. HOW CAN IT BE THAT STEEP?

rrrrrrrrRRRRRRRRRAAAAAAAAAAAA!!!!!!

The coaster roars down the drop! You can't help but scream, as the air is dragged out of your lungs. Your eyelids blast wide-open, unable to process the shocking sight before you. Your breath comes back, but only in quick gasps, because you can't stop screaming. Your body leans in with the curves, instead of working against them, like in wooden coasters. Then comes the loop! Your whole world turns upside-down, as the sky trades places with the ground. You rush back down the loop, and go around the next bend. You come up to a barrel-roll, and your body makes a nice, counter-clockwise rotation. You might as well be a supersonic jet!

You come up to hill after hill. Your sense of gravity is quite distorted, as you feel your gastric juices float up inside your stomach, and then come back down. Again, and again, the zero gravity effects are relentless. Another turn, and a mad dash to the exit. Suddenly, hit the brakes! Your legs stick out straight in front of you, as the coaster screeches to a halt. And then...it's over. The rush of your life is complete, and you let out one final scream of victory. WHAHOOOO!!!

Steel coasters are amazing. Compared with wooden coasters, they are faster, are capable of better stunts, they're smoother, and even safer. Steel coasters usually give you an entire harness to strap yourself in. They cover your shoulders, stabilize your head, and provide a divider for your lap, so you won't be slipping out. They are a much better experience, over all, and the sooner they phase out wooden coasters, the better off we'll be.

Roller-coasters are just one type of experience that an amusement park offers. If you want to see the rest of the park, you're gonna have to walk. You're gonna have to walk a lot. After being in an amusement park for most of the day, you'll swear that you've just run a 10 K. It is so exhausting! Your feet will be begging for mercy in no time.

But you know what? That's a good thing. We all need more exercise. Most of the time, exercise isn't that tempting. But there is no better incentive to keep going then to know that you're one step closer to that awesome ride. Go ahead, walk around a while. You'll have lots of fun on the rides, and your body will burn off some calories. It's a win-win situation.

The same can't be said for your money. I would say this is probably the worst part about amusement parks. They will eat up your cash, fast! The spending starts before you even get there. Most of us don't live right next to Six Flags. So, you're gonna have to fill up that gas tank in your van. Parking is gonna set you back around $10, or so. You've gotta pay to get in the park, of course, so that will take some spending. The park doesn't allow outside food or drinks. So, once lunchtime hits, you'll have to buy meals for everyone. And it isn't going to be cost-effective. Theme park execs know that they can charge whatever they want for their food, because you won't be getting it anywhere else. Taking advantage of that, get ready to pay double for drinks, french fries, and pizza. The dollar menu? Try the $5 menu. Ouch.

After you're done munching on over-priced junk food, you're likely to pass by some other rides. But these aren't ordinary rides. Some of them strap you in to a cage connected to two towers by bungee ropes. It's like a giant sling-shot. Other rides will string you and a loved one together, and swing you back and forth, as if you were actually flying. These rides look great! But there's a catch: These rides don't come along with the tickets you initially purchased to get into the park. You're gonna have to pay an extra $10 a person if you want to experience these special rides. Either you cough up the dough, or you don't get to ride. While you're at it, don't forget to spend another $10 or more to own the dvd that shows off that girly scream you made on the ride.

You haven't seen the worst of it, yet. Sooner or later, you're gonna walk by a gift shop. Or worse, the gift shop will be built into the natural path of the park, so you can't avoid it at all! Everything in here is scam-elicous. Themed T-shirts for $20. Water bottles. Toys made from the park's mascot(s). Battery-operated mini-fans. Postcards. Doo-dads and trinkets. Just about any bit of useless junk you can think of is trying to get at every dollar bill in your wallet.

One other major part of money-spending in parks includes those devious games sprinkled throughout the park. At some point, you're bound to come upon a basketball game or a water-squirting game, showing off big stuffed animals of gargantuan proportions. They're just begging you to plunk down a few singles, and try to beat the game. But they always end up being just out of reach. $15 dollars later, and all you've got to show for it is some stupid inflatable hammer. And your brother won't stop whacking you in the head with it!

In general, spending money at theme parks is inevitable. And it is usually worth it, just for the unique sense of adventure and excitement. You can't find it anywhere else! Just be ready to pay an arm and a leg for it.

Another part of the theme park experience can include things like go-karts or water rides. Some parks make use of them, while others go with bumper cars, or ferris wheels, or other types of amusements. These provide variety in the park, offering a different kind of fun. Let's start with the go-karts. At worst, these things can be average rides that let you push a pedal, and go around a circle 3-4 times. Please tell me something: Why are the karts so old? They're always covered in rust, and sputter like some low rider dying in the junkyard. It's embarrassing. No matter, the better go-karts can surpass their humble appearances. These high-grade go-kart tracks feature tunnels, swirling platforms, and even let you swerve around giant complexes, almost like a roller-coaster. It can be great fun to race around these larger than life tracks, doing your best to get ahead of your best friend. Make sure he doesn't box you in! You've gotta beat him!

Raft rides can be a thrilling and refreshing part of a theme park. These should not be confused with the rafts you find on giant water slides in water parks. No, these rafts are just another part of the theme park, and coast down predetermined rapids and under gushing waterfalls. On a hot day, you pretty much have to ride them. Just remember that your clothes will end up getting wet, possibly soaked. But that shouldn't matter, right? It's not like people go the theme parks in a business suit. So, you and all your companions strap in, and ride the rapids. These things usually involve dark tunnels, unexpected blasts of water, and the aforementioned waterfalls. Funny thing about the raft rides, they're unpredictable. Your buddy might come off the ride unscathed, but you might end up getting stuck under the waterfall, leaving the ride completely drenched. Nothing feels weirder than squishy, sloshed gym shoes, eh?

Let's hope all that water doesn't interfere with that stamp on top of your left hand. After all, you need that to get into the park in the first place. I'm personally not a fan of those stamps. That ink is kind of garish, and can be sometimes itchy. Then it stays on your hand for a few days straight, until the skin on your hand dies and peels. The wristband option is the way to go, in my opinion. It's a nice little clip, right at the beginning of the park, then it stays on your wrist all day. Finally, when the time comes to remove it, all it takes is a quick little snip from some scissors or a knife. Maybe you can use your teeth, if you don't mind the dental damage. Sure, they make you look like you just came out of your local hospital, but they're a better option than those unsightly ink stamps.

Wristband, ink stamp, whatever. You need them to get into amusement parks. Amusement parks. Those wondrous, surreal landscapes. Some of the best memories that I have are related to them. Those memories showcase some of my greatest emotions, and remind me of the happiest days of my life. What is it about them that makes them so alluring to us? Why do we like them so much?

I can't say for sure. I guess it has to do with our human condition. As humans, we have a lot of problems to deal with on a regular basis. Real problems. Not just something simple, like losing the remote control for the tv, or making enough room for that last paper plate in the garbage can. Some problems are gigantic, and take up a lot of our thoughts. We can't help but think about them, almost constantly. We muse upon them. So, as humans, we seek amusement. Something to take us away from our problems. Give us the break we need so very badly.

Theme parks make for a great escape. They provide us with fun and adventure we could never experience in a regular setting. They're larger than life. For some, a dream come true. This is why they're known as amusement parks. They are places we can travel to. It's kind of like running away from home, in a way. But much better than that. We have a great time when we go, and create memories that will last a life time. Then, we can come home, ready to tackle any problems we left behind...As well as a few new problems, coming from our hurting finances. Ah well...

It is what it is.

- JC